


The Brownie Incident

by GreyHaven



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Accidental consumption of pot brownies, Fluff, Funny, It made me smile writing it anyway, Multi, Recreational Drug Use, Threegulls, at least i hope it's funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-02 01:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15786048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyHaven/pseuds/GreyHaven
Summary: A plate sat on the counter, piled high with chocolate brownies.  Gooey, almost oozing with chocolate, dusted with icing sugar and tempting.  So tempting.  Duke’s baking was always better than anything from Rosemary’s and they called to him, crying out to be eaten.Nathan’s willpower had never been strong when it came to eating sweet things and he couldn’t resist taking one and eating it, careful not to drop any telltale crumbs.  Surely Duke wouldn’t miss just one.-Or - the fic where Nathan gets accidentally stoned





	The Brownie Incident

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DixieSiryn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DixieSiryn/gifts), [YumeArashi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeArashi/gifts).



> For DixieSiryn and YumeArashi, who know what they did <3

_Beep._

Nathan pulled out his phone to read the text from Audrey saying she was stuck at work and was going to be late.  Not that there was a problem with that, given that he’d just parked up beside the Rouge and Duke wasn’t here anyway which put the proverbial spanner in the works of their surprise lunch plans.  He dashed off a quick reply, telling her not to worry about it, added a handful of heart emojis and put his phone away so he could fish a set of keys out of his pocket.

Small waves were being kicked up by the warm summer breeze, sunlight glinting off the peaks like glitter.  It was only half past eleven but the day promised to be warm and fragrant and it would turn into the perfect evening to sit on the deck of the Rouge with a few beers and a pack of cards.

He stepped aboard and unlocked the hatch because that was a thing he could do now; they all had keys to each others places and it kinda baffled him that they hadn’t already just moved in together.  He knew Parker could use the stability while she adjusted to this new post-Troubles world. And Duke still struggled to accept he was a part of their lives, maybe living together would help with that.  A show of commitment sort of thing. As for him, he just didn’t like being alone. Too many memories of the both of them being gone.

Still, it was a big step to take and none of them wanted to broach the subject first for fear of ruining things.

Most of their time was spent at the Rouge, simply because Duke had the biggest bed which gave them more space for night time fidgeting (and other things that still had the power to make Nathan blush if he thought about them for too long).  The large ship, once used for smuggling and now housing nothing more contentious than some empty crates (and _maybe_ an illegal weapon or two that he was certain Duke just hadn’t got around to registering), felt like home so Nathan had no hesitation in wandering into the kitchen and getting a pot of coffee going.

A plate sat on the counter, piled high with chocolate brownies.  Gooey, almost oozing with chocolate, dusted with icing sugar and _tempting._  So tempting.  Duke’s baking was always better than anything from Rosemary’s and they _called_ to him, crying out to be eaten.  

Nathan’s willpower had never been strong when it came to eating sweet things and he couldn’t resist taking one and eating it, careful not to drop any telltale crumbs.  Surely Duke wouldn’t miss just one.

Except one turned into two which turned into three because they were _delicious_ \- definitely the best brownies he’d ever eaten - and he was going to have to ask Duke what the secret ingredient was.  (Who was he kidding? Baking was beyond him, he could barely make pancakes, and Audrey preferred cupcakes over brownies, so more realistically, he was going to ask Duke to make another batch.)  

He took another one and went to sit on the couch while he waited for the others to arrive, hoping to salvage something from their surprise-Duke-with-lunch plans.

*

Across town, Duke was at the Gull, trying very hard to keep his patience with the supplier who hadn’t delivered lobster for today’s lunch menu.  It was supposed to be his day off. A day to _relax,_ and maybe enjoy one or two of the ‘special’ brownies Gloria had dropped off as a thank you for getting her some not-entirely-legal Scotch.  But no. Here he was, dealing with _problems._ Life was supposed to be _easy_ now the Troubles were over.  Life was _not_ supposed to revolve around paperwork and supplier issues.

Eventually, he reached an agreement with the supplier (a large discount on the next order), changed the menu for the lunchtime specials and went home, determined to reclaim as much of his day off as possible.

As he pulled up, Audrey was just parking on the slip beside the Rouge, alongside Nathan’s Bronco.

“Uh...hi?”  He greeted her as she got out, wracking his brain to try to work out why they were there and what he might have forgotten.  Not that he was prone to forgetting things but it was entirely possible they’d mentioned something when he’d been drunk the other night and then - then he _definitely_ would have forgotten, given that it left him with a two day hangover and some vaguely concerning gaps in his memory.

“Hey Duke,” she said, smiling as she stood on tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

He closed his arms around her and the tension seeped out of her body as she relaxed against him.  “Busy day?” He murmured.

“Always,” she said with a sigh.  She pulled away, smiling brightly.  “We wanted to come and surprise you with lunch, we coordinated our days off with yours and then...I got called in and I thought I was going to be done in time but I…”

“Audrey,” Duke interrupted.  “Thank you. Surprising me with lunch is...nice.”

Her laugh was soft, her smile wry.  “That word again.”

Duke rolled his eyes.  “I meant... _nice.”_

She kissed his cheek again and turned away to retrieve a large picnic basket from her car.  “Ok, I admit, we cheated slightly and asked Rosemary to put together some sandwiches for us rather than inflicting our terrible cooking on you.”

“Uh...you know making sandwiches doesn’t count as cooking, right?”

“It involves food and a kitchen therefore it’s cooking.”

Duke couldn’t help laughing at the perfect logic in that statement.  “Ok, fair,” he said as he took the picnic basket from her and led the way up the gangplank.

The first thing Duke noticed when he stepped through the hatch was a trail of brownie crumbs leading from the kitchen to the couch and he stopped in his tracks, his heart sinking down into his boots.  

Audrey crashed into the back of him.  “Something wrong?” She whispered.

Her hand was already going to her gun and Duke shook his head.

“No.  Nothing’s wrong.  Except for the brownie thief sitting on the couch.”

Nathan looked up and guiltily tried to brush brownie crumbs off his face.  He only succeeded in mashing them further into his stubble. “Did someone mention brownies?”  He asked, attempting to look innocent. The effect was somewhat ruined by the little giggle that escaped him.

“Yes brownies.  My brownies, to be specific.   _Special_ brownies, if you want to be really specific.  That Gloria made for me.”

“Oh,” Nathan said in a very small voice, followed by another little giggle.

“Is he…?” Audrey craned her neck around Duke so she could see Nathan.  “Is he... _stoned?_ Were they _those_ sort of brownies?”

“Yes they were and yes he is.”

“‘m not stoned,” Nathan protested.  “‘m fine.”

“How many brownies did you eat, Nathan?”  Audrey asked, stepping around Duke with a barely suppressed smile on her lips.

Nathan made a succession of humming sounds that translated into “I don’t know”, and gave an awkward, uncoordinated, wriggle of his shoulders.

“Four?!” Duke almost shouted when he saw how many were missing from the plate.  “You’ve eaten _four_ brownies?”

“Is four a lot?”  Audrey asked, which Duke supposed was probably a fair question given that he was dealing with two _cops_ who, presumably, had more experience in confiscating illegal substances than in consuming them.

“Well, kinda, seeing as he’s not used to it.”

Nathan’s eyes were boring holes into him.  Or, rather, they would have been if Nathan hadn’t been so bleary eyed.  Still, there was an accusatory note in his voice when he finally got his lips and tongue coordinated enough to speak.

“You got the chief of police stoned.”

“I...Sorry _I_ got the chief of police stoned?”

“Yes.   _You_ got the chief of police stoned, leaving illegal substances lying around.”

Duke let out a squeak which could only be described as indignant.  “Ok, no, hold it _right there._ First up, it’s no longer illegal, as you well know…”

Nathan scowled but did manage to give him a begrudging nod.

“ _Secondly,_ did I give you those brownies?  No, I did not. They weren’t lying around, they were on my boat, for my own consumption and you helped yourself to the contents of my kitchen - to a _gift,_ I might add, they were from Gloria - so I really don’t think this is my fault here,” he finished, crossing his arms across his chest and giving Nathan a smug flick of his eyebrows.

“Perhaps if Nathan wants to make accusations,” Audrey said from beside Duke, barely able to hide the laughter in her voice, “he should start with arresting himself for theft.”

Nathan squawked at that.  “Wasn’t theft!”

“No?  What would you call it then?   _Borrowing?”_ Duke tried to glare but he had a feeling the corners of his lips might have quirked into a smile.

“Yes!  Yes, that’s it!  I’m a Borrower!”

“Nathan...You’re the same height as I am, it’s not _physically possible_ for you to be a Borrower,” Duke flung himself onto the couch beside Nathan to prove his point.

“But what if you’re one too?”

“I…” Duke didn’t have a good answer to that so he groaned instead.  He needed to be far less sober if he was engaging in a reality-questioning conversation with the very stoned chief of police who also happened to be his boyfriend.

“No but listen…”

“Ok,” Audrey interrupted.  “As fascinating as I’m sure this theory is, and as much as I would _much rather_ be spending the afternoon with you two, I need to get back to work.”

Duke stared at her, trying to do his best puppy dog eyes.  “You - you’re leaving me with _this?”_

Audrey managed to suppress her laughter.  Barely. “Yes, yes I am. You have much more experience of dealing with people under the influence of brownies than I do.”

Beside Duke, Nathan had descended into another giggling fit.

“What...Audrey, what am I supposed to do with a giggling Nathan?  I don’t know what to _do_ with him, I’m used to silent, scowl-y Nathan, not...not _this.”_

“Join him?”  Audrey was laughing as she grabbed a sandwich out of the picnic basket.

Duke just gave her A Look.

“Sorry, Duke, but you’ll be fine.  Have a brownie or two. Or three. Four, maybe.  Relax. You deserve it,” she kissed his cheek, then Nathan’s.  “Take care of each other. Back later.”

With that, she swept out of the door and closed it behind her.  Even so, Duke heard her cackling all the way back to her car.

He let out a long suffering sigh and went to pick up the plate of brownies.

*

Two hours later, Audrey was busily regretting having ever set up the group chat between the three of them because her phone _wouldn’t stop_ and she was supposed to be finishing paperwork after the chaos of this morning.

**Duke** \- Audrey…

She didn’t even have a chance to reply before another message popped up.

**Nathan** \- Parker?

And then they were off.

**Duke** \- I’m messaging Audrey!  
**Nathan** \- So am I!  
**Duke** \- We can’t both message her!  
**Nathan** \- So you should stop  
**Duke** \- You stop  
**Nathan** \- No, you stop

Audrey sighed and typed out a quick reply.

**Audrey** \- Group chat, you’re both messaging me.  Did you want something?  
**Duke** \- Yes!  
**Nathan** \- No  
**Audrey** \- Which is it?  
**Duke** \- Can you settle an argument?  
**Audrey** \- Go on…  
**Duke** \- Why can’t penguins fly?

Audrey rolled her eyes, albeit affectionately.  Duke had a tendency to ask random questions, usually at stupid o’clock in the morning when he was supposed to be sleeping.  She’d had vague hopes that a pot brownie or two might have helped him switch his mind off but apparently not.

**Audrey** \- If you can send a message, you can google the answer to that  
**Nathan** \- That’s what I told him  
**Duke** \- No you didn’t!  You said I should ask Audrey  
**Nathan** \- I said google!  Ask google!  
**Duke** \- You definitely said Audrey  
**Nathan** \- How would you know?  You’re stoned and giggling   
**Duke** \- So are you  
**Nathan** \- Not stoned  
**Duke** \- You are!  And you’re giggling too  
**Nathan** \- Am not  
**Audrey** \- Stop bickering  
**Nathan** \- We’re not bickering!  
**Duke** \- Nope  
**Duke** \- Definitely not bickering  
**Audrey** \- It sounds very much like bickering…  
**Nathan** \- We’re cuddling  
**Duke** \- I think Nathan might be asleep.  He’s snoring  
**Nathan** \- How can I be asleep?  I’m in this group conversation  
**Duke** \- You’re doing awake snoring then  
**Audrey** \- Putting my phone on silent now…

Laughing to herself, Audrey did just that and turned her phone face down so it wouldn’t distract her.  Get the paperwork done, get home sooner. _Home._ Funny how she’d started thinking of the Rouge as _home._ She wasn’t even entirely sure when she’d come to think of the large, rusty, creaky, ship as her home but it was.

Or, perhaps more accurately, anywhere Nathan and Duke were was home.

Eventually, the mountain of paperwork was done and Audrey clocked out at five-past-five, the earliest she’d managed to finish work for _months._  She dashed out of the door before anyone could even _think_ about asking her for anything else, and pulled her phone out to see how many messages she’d missed.

A hundred and three.  Oh god.

She sat in her car, reading them and crying with laughter.  There was the inevitable bickering, and a less than engaging conversation about the merits of waffles over pancakes, after which they seemed to have agreed that pot brownies were better than both.  At least they’d managed to find something to agree on. Some days, Audrey felt like they’d argue that the sky wasn’t blue _just to piss each other off._

It was mostly good natured arguing now, though.  None of them wanted to argue, even on the difficult days.  The horror of the Troubles still too fresh in all of their memories to risk leaving or going to sleep on a harsh word.

After agreeing that pot brownies were definitely better than pancakes or waffles, they’d sent a few heart emojis back and forth and lapsed into silence until twenty minutes ago.

Maybe they’d been napping.  Whatever they’d been doing, clearly they’d had a burst of energy because they’d sent message after message.  Every. Single. Minute.

**Nathan** \- Parker?  
**Duke** \- Audrey…?  
**Nathan** \- Parker?  
**Duke** \- Audrey…?

And so on.  And they were still going.  Nothing else, just her name, over and over again and _god,_ they were like _children_ sometimes.

**Audrey** \- What?  
**Nathan** \- Snacks  
**Duke** \- Can you get us some?  
**Nathan** \- Please  
**Duke** \- Nathan tried to drive  
**Duke** \- It didn’t go well  
**Duke** \- He couldn’t find his truck  
**Nathan** \- Someone moved it  
**Nathan** \- I’ll find it later  
**Duke** \- So can you get us some snacks please?  
**Nathan** \- Please  
**Nathan** \- Please  
**Nathan** \- Please

Audrey groaned and replied before Nathan could type _please_ again.

**Audrey** \- Yes!  
**Audrey** \- What would you like?  
**Duke** \- Popcorn  
**Nathan** \- Lemon cheesecake  
**Duke** \- Ooh cheese  
**Nathan** \- And cheetos  
**Duke** \- Maybe pizza  
**Audrey** \- Ok, so food, not just snacks?  
**Nathan** \- Yeah  
**Duke** \- But snacks too  
**Audrey** \- Ok, got it.  Pizza, selection of snacks.  Be back soon  
**Duke** \- Thanks!  Love you!

Audrey’s heart skipped a beat.  None of them had said that yet, but there it was, in black and white.

**Nathan** \- Thanks, Parker.  Love you!

There it was again.  There went her heart again.

**Audrey** \- You’re welcome.  Love you both too.

Nathan replied with a variety of heart emojis, every heart emoji he could find on his keyboard by the looks of it, closely followed (somewhat confusingly) by a pineapple and a bunch of flower emojis from Duke.  Audrey added her own heart emoji, put her phone away and drove to the store.

Shopping done, she parked beside the Bronco which was exactly where it had been earlier so clearly Nathan _hadn’t_ tried to drive anywhere which was something of a relief because driving while under the influence was very definitely not a _Nathan-y_ thing to do.  How he’d managed to lose the very large, very blue truck on a harbour slip was beyond her, she was just grateful that he had.

Figuring that asking the boys to come and help with carrying bags was a lost cause, Audrey unloaded the shopping herself.  She wedged the pizza box between her arm and her hip and went aboard.

The hatch was open which was something of a surprise because Duke usually kept it locked, even when he was home.  Maybe they’d heard her pull up outside and opened the door for her. Although judging by the giggling heap she found them in, they probably weren’t even remotely capable of thinking of something as considerate as that.

She cleared her throat, trying to get their attention.

Which worked.  Sort of. Insofar as they looked in her general direction and giggled harder.  They seemed to be wrapped around each other, a tangle of arms and legs, and Audrey couldn’t help wondering what she might have interrupted.

Not that either of them seemed to be even remotely capable of anything more complex than sitting on a couch and judging by the way Nathan appeared to be completely boneless, even that was a challenge.

Audrey rolled her eyes and gestured towards the pizza box which finally caught their attention.  Two sets of eyes latched onto her - or more specifically, onto what she was carrying - wide grins on both faces.

“Pizza!”

“Audrey!  Pizza!”

Well, at least Duke had acknowledged her.  Nathan followed up with a mumbled “Parker”, looking vaguely embarrassed that he hadn’t immediately greeted her.

She passed them the large pizza box and the carrier bags (yes, plural) of snacks, and turned away before she could see how much of a mess they could make with a cardboard box full of melted cheese.  Judging by the tearing sounds from behind her, there was going to be _a lot_ of mess.

The tearing sounds were followed by more giggling and Audrey rolled her eyes again.  She picked up the now mostly empty plate of brownies - at least they’d saved her some, there was that to be grateful for because if she was spending the night with her two stoned idiots, she was very definitely not planning on doing it sober - and sat on the couch, wedging herself in between them.

She was only halfway through her first brownie when they both snuggled against her - Duke with his head on her lap, somehow still munching on a pizza slice, Nathan leaning against her shoulder, his face buried in her hair, ignoring all the food.  

There, right there, sandwiched between them, that was where Audrey wanted to spend every day for the rest of her life.  It didn’t matter where - here on the Rouge, at her apartment over the Gull, at Nathan’s small yellow house, as long as she had Nathan and Duke by her side, she was home.

And if there happened to be the occasional pot-brownie-related giggling fit, well she had no objections to that.


End file.
